"Another Version Of Me"

by Bitchin' Car

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about

"I worked on most of these Midi cover versions over the spring and summertime of 2017 in a flat on Trefoil Avenue in Glasgow. Some of these were made a bit later on in a windowless room in Cable Street Studios in East London.

I wanted to rework pop songs I like, to process the aftermath of heartbreak, to express feeling like a petrified closed loop, that sense of boring my friends to tears. Reaching dizzy new height of psychic retreat I lent on a coping strategy for myself to subvert and sublimate stuck feelings into absurd formats. This at times felt regressive and pathetic, like what I imagine playing video games for days on end must feel like.
You will hear a lot of mistakes in these, the clicking of false stops and starts, the levels of the glockenspiels and bass lines sometimes all over the place, a laptop speaker instead of a microphone. I was experiencing a sort of general decline and shutting down, so my voice cracks, breaks, goes 'off-piste' in some of these recordings, weak with a chronic chest infection and tonsillitis. I would like to take this opportunity to thank my GP for helping me not die a physical death by quantifying the severity of my health issues, which played its part in learning that I do have limits after all.

This tape is an embodiment of some sort of dramatisation of the damaging effects of investing in certain notions of ROMANTIC LOVE of 'WE TWO TOGETHER CLINGING'ness blurring into 'TWO BECOME ONE', of not really knowing where one person ends and you begin. I hope I have created some thinking space and distance here, seperating self-contempt from the projection of self-hatred onto another.
This is a small attempt to force lightness and separation from 'this pain over here' onto tape.

WHAT IS DESIRE, HOW DO YOU TRUST A FEELING IN FLUX?

Why try and attempt to make something tangible, pieced together, concrete?

Here I am now facing the ridiculousness of myself in 2018, the sound of a 'woman' scorned falling flat, haunting the conmen.

There I was in that flat, in that box, trying to contain and dissolve a bad feeling into song and outliving you

credits

released May 15, 2019

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