"For months now, The Nits have been scuttling and weaving their way through the dark forestry of your hairstyle, searching for fertile patches of soft scalp to suck dry. You’d almost gotten used to the perpetual itch, always moving, always a step ahead, but now...something’s happened. Something’s changed. Your condition has worsened!
You’ve started to hear noises. Barely audible at first, just background static, but growing louder each day. Now, during quiet moments- in a toilet cubicle, alone in bed- you swear you can hear the sounds of instruments. No-one believes you. But you’re convinced: The Nits have formed a band!
Sometimes, if you really concentrate, you can hear snatches of their music. Spindly, gothic hardcore riffs. Skittish, pogo-punk drumming. Inane, circular bass playing. You can even hear the band members on their breaks between songs- tiny hisses of lager cans opening, small, awful voices shouting names like 𝒲𝑜𝓏𝓏𝒶, 𝒢𝓇𝑒𝑒𝓃𝒷𝑒𝓇𝑔, 𝒪𝓌𝑒𝓃 and 𝒥𝑜𝓈𝒾𝑒. The mention of a three track tape on a record label named 𝒢𝑜𝒷 𝒩𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃? Song titles? "𝒩𝒾𝓉 𝒞𝑜𝓂𝒷", "𝒫𝒾𝑔𝑔𝓎 𝐵𝒶𝓃𝓀" and "𝒢𝑜𝑜𝒹 𝐵𝑜𝓎"?
Your only explanation: The Nits have breached the threshold of your scalp and burrowed straight down into the fleshy surface of your brain. Your only solution: a visit to 𝒮𝓃𝒾𝒻𝒻𝒶𝓃𝓎, Brighton’s most trusted and beloved Nit Nurse!
After a warm welcome, you find yourself on the operating table. She scrubs, combs, scrapes and plucks... it feels as though your scalp might peel straight off! Eventually, she reveals two shining sets of scalpels and pliers and gets to work, but, to your surprise, you find that, instead of getting quieter, the music is growing louder! It’s almost deafening now! Stranger still, Sniffany's lips aren't moving...but you can hear her voice. 𝐼 𝓀𝑒𝑒𝓅 𝒽𝒾𝓂 𝑜𝓃 𝒶 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓇𝓉 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝒾𝓃! 𝐼 𝓀𝑒𝑒𝓅 𝒽𝒾𝓂 𝒾𝓃 𝒶 𝒷𝑜𝓍! 𝐼 𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑜𝓌 𝓅𝑒𝒶𝓃𝓊𝓉𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝒶𝓇𝓈! What does it mean? 𝒴𝑜𝓊’𝓇𝑒 𝓂𝓎 𝒹𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂𝓎 𝑀𝓇. 𝐵𝒾𝑔 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼’𝓂 𝒶 𝒞𝒶𝓇𝓇𝒾𝑒 𝐵𝓇𝒶𝒹𝓈𝒽𝒶𝓌 𝓅𝒾𝑔! What? 𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓃’𝓉 𝒷𝑒 𝒽𝓊𝓇𝓉 𝒷𝓎 𝒶 𝓁𝒾𝓋𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝒷𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒷𝓊𝑔 𝒽𝑜𝓂𝑒! Excuse me?
Why? You ask yourself, as you writhe there in agony. Why can’t I get these Nits out of my head?" 🍰 🎀 ❀𝓌𝑒𝓃 𝒲𝒾𝓁𝓁𝒾𝒶𝓂𝓈 🎀 🍰